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Dawn Marie Lamonica
EXECUTIVE COACH | SPEAKER | RETREATS
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Prime Valentine's & (Self) Love
Issue 05. Feb 2024
Hi ladies!
Wanted to drop a quick line on love and self care - even though it's 5 days after Valentine's day.
I appreciate that "Valentines" is NOT a big whoop de doo holiday in the UK!
But this buttercream frosted cupcake doesn't march to anyone's calendar but her own and I wanted to spread some LOVE.
(Not COVID, LOVE, although from what I hear that persistent beast is taking another turn on the dance floor).
I know that men/husbands/spouses/partners may NOT shower you with roses and chocolates or a bathtub overflowing with bubbles and tiny tea lights lit all over the porcelain floor (how terribly Hallmark sentimental) but I wanted to remind you.... that maybe you should do the spoiling of your self and just give yourself the extra luxurious treats.
Put on the Otis Redding or Nina Simone.
Spend 150 GBP on extravagant flowers for yourself.
Buy the chocolate, the ridiculously decadent kind.
Light the damn Diptyque candle (even though its about 10 GBP/sniff).
Call your girlfriends & Book the Spa..............
Grab the bubbly and a glass for one.
SPOIL YOURSELF. Because here is the thing, if you don't, who will?
WHO ELSE could spoil you better than you? Really!
CELEBRATE WHO YOU ARE.
LOVE on YOURSELF like you deserve.
Because that has a ripple effect, an Energy, a Frequency - when you really take care of yourself and you walk into a room..... its a vibe. PEOPLE notice. It is a Queen Bee, Royalty, kinda thing - and you deserve that.
You deserve to be spoiled and noticed and walk into a room and have everyone stare.
I do NOT believe Love or Self Love can only be celebrated on 14 FEB.
I don't believe that Charity and Kindness should only go around during December.
I don't believe 30 days of Sobriety and Fitness can only happen in January.
And I don't believe that talks about money, promotions and your worth - can only happen in .....
PRIME NEGOTIATION GUIDE
The Free Guide I put together on Negotiating Income and your Terms of Work can be used to gain clarity on your options, what you want &what you DESERVE at ANY time of year, not just Annual Reviews.
The techniques I put in here are heavily researched and grounded in science. I hope a few of you can check it out.
And I need to say it, from the heart, if we were all practicing what is in this little book I put together - if we were all taking the time to invest in these skills especially around negotiation and harder conversations - then maybe we wouldn't have stats like the Fawcett Report on Parity that came out in Nov 2023. I say this with love. The only way things will change is IF WE COLLECTIVELY start changing them... This Guide has a purpose.
Free Guide on Negotiating Income, Starting the Harder Conversations & Gaining Clarity on your Role & Options
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ON ROSES & THE COLOR PINK
You know, I used to HATE the color pink?
I thought it was too 'girly', too frivolous. I thought it was weak. I thought it meant princesses and bows in your hair.... and I always wanted to be a warrior.
Then something happened when I turned 44 (yes I hated the color pink until I was old enough to have to dye my gray hairs!)
I met a woman who's hair was all white, like a unicorn, and she told me about what the color meant and she taught me about Rose Quartz and she said "Dawn... you have been in Finance for 20+ years, you are going to have to love on yourself a bit... for awhile... before you do this next thing." I met her in a tepee (literally a wigwam) on a reservation with wild Antelopes and I still carry that damn rose quartz with me everywhere as a reminder.
Here is the fundamental thing.
A large part of me, after working so long and hard in alpha male environments, used to believe that PINK, the color of femininity and of women, that it represented weakness. And I was so so SO very wrong. But I was conditioned, over years, to believe certain things because 'fitting in' was required to survive.
I promise you - I wear pink now. HOT pink. JUMPSUITS of HOT PINK. And I wear it proudly (with my two fingers up in the air).
In case you were curious on color psychology - Pink symbolizes:
➞ Femininity
➞ Healing
➞ Innocence
➞ Peace
➞ Playfulness
➞ Romance
➞ Sweetness
➞ Tranquility
➞Warmth
The specific shade of pink can affect associations and meanings.
A light pink is often viewed as soft, healing, and peaceful.
A hot pink might be seen as bold, exciting, and alarming.
How does pink make YOU feel?
YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU DESERVE, YOU GET WHAT YOU NEGOTIATE!
These are excerpts from Ben Meer, Prof. Seth Freeman and Chris Voss below.
Negotiation is one of the highest ROI skills.
If you learn it - you will earn more and save more.
Go through Professor Seth Freeman's negotiating checklist. [I FORESAW IT]
INTERESTS
➞ What do I want here?
➞ What does the other side want? (Pro tip: Consider the interests of each key stakeholder on the other side.)
➞ What are the common interests?
FACTUAL & FINANCIAL RESEARCH
➞ What are market prices?
➞ What do experts say?
➞ What are cultural norms and legal constraints?
OPTIONS
➞ Brainstorm possible deal terms (list 6+ creative options).
RAPPORT
➞ How can I be hard on the problem and soft on the person?
➞ How can I set the right tone from the start?
➞ Roleplay with friends or family.
EMPATHY & ETHICS
➞ How do things look from the other side?
➞ How do they fit into their organization?
➞ What are the unique challenges of their role?
SETTING & SCHEDULING
➞ Where and when will you negotiate?
➞ Should negotiations be held in private or public?
➞ What, if any, deadline will you face?
ALTERNATIVES TO AGREEMENT
➞ What will you do if there’s no deal?
➞ Rank your alternative options.
WHO
➞ Who can help?
➞ Whose agreement must I win?
➞ Who might be a decision-maker outside of view? (Spouse, boss, etc.)
INDEPENDENT CRITERIA
➞ What are the objective benchmarks (Ex: Kelly Blue Book value)? These let you say, “Don't take my word for it; let's turn to something we both trust.”
TOPICS, TARGETS, & TRADEOFFS
➞ Topics (List agenda items like salary, hours, vacation time, etc.)
➞ Targets (For each topic, write down your best target and walk away target)
➞ Tradeoffs (Prioritize your targets so you’re prepared if you need to make tradeoffs)
HONE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE (7-38-55 RULE)
People will like /dislike your communication
➞ 7% words
➞ 38% tonality and face
➞ 55% language
Stand up straight, pull your shoulders back, make eye contact, smile, give a firm handshake.
BE FIERCE.
Use the word "FAIR".
According to Chris Voss, "the most powerful word in negotiations is 'Fair.'
Say: "I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if I'm being unfair and we'll address it." - Chris Voss.
Make the First Offer
Old school advice was to wait for the opposing party to reveal the first number.
New studies out of Harvard show its often better to go first. If you know the bargaining range, go first - at an extreme high (or low). You will 'anchor' the negotiation to that number.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Understanding the other person's needs is crucial.
Ask:
➞ What about this is important to you?
➞ What about this doesn't work for you ?
➞ How will we know we are on the right track?
In closing
Hope this little email made you smile and lit a spark.
If it did make you feel something special, something different, make sure you pass it along.
