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Dawn Marie Lamonica
EXECUTIVE COACH | SPEAKER | RETREATS
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Prime F Words
Issue 06. Feb 2024
Hi there Ladies!
I hope the self-care, self-LOVE email did the trick for Valentine’s Day and you spent a week (or at least a good day) spoiling yaself!!!
A VERY HAPPY WOMEN"S HISTORY MONTH!
LATEST NEWS
I can’t lie - February was a beast of a month. From the first straight through to the very last day – that month hit me so hard, I hit it right back (!)….
But then.... it pummeled me.
No joke. Flat on my back...............with a black eye (and likely a missing tooth).
The month HIT HARD.
Have you ever had a week or a month like that?
It takes a beat to re-group.
Everything that COULD go wrong, did.
When coming to consciousness, sometimes (not always) but sometimes if you pause for long enough, there will be a new bit of wisdom (that slapped you upside the head).
Here is what I learned.
In order for me to build something to scale – I was going to move fast and inevitably I was going to break a bunch of sh*t.
Which I promise you…. I did.
And good.
The process was medieval.
But what I learned by breaking a whole bunch of sh*t FAST, was necessary.
It would have otherwise taken me 4-6 months.
These were expensive, heart wrenching, tears and working until 1 am issues that I had to sweat through. Tech is not something I am naturally good at.
I also made mistakes with an investment- it was NOT small. I then made a mistake with someone I let into my business and lost 2 weeks I did not have to lose. I made a mistakes with trust.
This is no one’s fault but my own.
I was looking to others when I needed to trust myself.
But I promise you this my lovelies, …… I course corrected like a motherclucker & FAST. 🐔
Because this business is my heart and my soul.
And I will not fail. I will protect what I am building now fiercely.
THE F WORD
Speaking of Mistakes it got me thinking about (self) Forgiveness and letting yourself the off the dang hook. (Though we DO know I love the F word... thought to surprise ya here).
High Performers, ESPECIALLY WOMEN, have a tendency to be very hard on themselves when we screw up.
I remember when I was first getting trained as a Transformational Coach - my Mentor wanted me to do a Forgiveness Exercise.
I was like “OK ”.
But the reaction in my body was “WHY are we doing this!!!?? It’s woo woo. It’s a waste of time! Let's concentrate on the techniques & rapid impact frameworks”!!
My resistance signaled to me that I had to take this exercise seriously.
Resistance is always a signal ladies.
It’s like a big red flare gun. And its never wrong.
The resistance is never a "false alarm". It’s there for a reason.
First my mentor had me write a forgiveness letter to my family. At even the introduction of the thought - I immediately started defending my parents ad infinitum.
But then I realized, ok – this needs to be looked at. Why am I so quick to defend so vehemently? 7 journal prompts and 15 pages later…. OH.
Next training - he said to me.
“OK Dawn, I’d like you to forgive yourself”.
And my immediate response was “NO.”
My body’s reaction was “F No. No . No....... NO”.
I mean the words, literally FLEW out of my mouth at the speed of light – “NO!”
And he looked at me and I kind of laughed nervously and said,
“Ok I am not sure where that came from…. Ummmm.”
I had no idea WHY but I was SO very resistant to forgiving myself….. for anything. I wanted to throw up at the thought.
And then I realized, really realized, how ANGRY I was at myself. How many grudges I had against me for all of these errors and failures in my life. For not being good enough at this thing or that.
I won’t tell you how THAT small bible of journal writings turned out – but let’s just say – he wasn’t just giving me an exercise – my Mentor was training me on a technique. He just wrapped one inside the other.
When you become a transformative coach you have to deal with all of your mess first, the stuff you don’t want to deal with.
The stuff you conveniently left out in therapy or swept under the carpet or ate your way through or binge watched Netflix for 8 hours to numb out or just buried.
You cannot coach others on change or transformation UNTIL you do the work on yourself.
And the work my friends, is NO joke.
Here’s the real kicker, the work never stops.
The re-wiring, the re-mapping of beliefs, the forgiveness, the untangling of old habits and dealing with what sits in the subconscious.
Because thoughts and beliefs have been ingrained there in your head for a very (very) long time.
I think all of us women - we hate on ourselves sometimes, and we don’t even realize it.
Its in the little words we say to ourselves.
Its in the way we can look in the mirror and wince or make a face.
Its in the denial of eating *&ckng carb or having the *&ckng desert.
Its in the reply “I can’t turn my zoom on, I look dreadful without makeup”
SO WHAT .
YOU ARE GORGEOUS JUST AS YOU ARE.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND EXQUISITE AND INSPIRING WITHOUT THE FOUNDATION!
You ….. are the foundation.
Turn on the zoom.
Show your face.
Do you think your colleague Brian says to himself what you just said?
Do you think you need makeup to be beautiful?
Do you not see HOW YOU SHINE without it?
Do you not see your worth?
Your genius?
How gorgeous your BRAIN and your VOICE is?
I’m not going to lie – I hated on myself A LOT in February.
I raged against myself for the mistakes.
Worse, I let one mistake compound into 2 or 3 because I didn’t see the domino effect. I hated myself for believing in someone’s word without testing it first, for buying into an investment that was a veneer of cotton candy and bubble gum - no substance. I hated that I bought into hype.
I hated myself for forgetting my fundamental truths and values. Even though it was only for a second.
For making mistakes when I did NOT have the luxury or the time for them.
I raged on me.
And then I stopped.
Because I recognized the old pattern.
And I saw what it was doing to my state of being and my ability to serve others and build.
I saw how it could erode my mission. No one was coming to save me from the situation. I had to save my damn self. Fast.
GETTING OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY
I share this because I want for you (this month especially) to do the following Exercise:
- Consider what you are holding onto that you can no longer hold onto?
- What grudge are you holding against yourself?
- What unnecessary guilt or disappointment or even a bit of hate…?
And here is the next step - you're not going to like it (but I am saying it anyway because I LOVE you).
I want you to write in that journal I gave you on 07 DEC or on any piece of paper – for JUST 3 minutes:
“I forgive you for…………………”
I know you won’t want to.
But I hope that you can trust me.
I hope with each Linkedin post, with each newsletter…. I earn your trust.
Try it – try writing it down.
And then I need you to do the Final Step.
I need you to LET THAT SH*T GO.
Let it go. It cannot come with you where you are going.
Because when we carry these little shards of glass against ourselves… we can bleed – ever so slightly - onto anything we touch.
It impacts everything.
From how we show up in meetings.
To how we speak to the team we manage.
To how we walk into a room.
To how we fidget when sitting.
To how we negotiate our income and terms of work.
It SHOWS UP.
Speaking of which... the Free Guide I put together is backed with tons of science-based techniques and its NOT just for annual reviews - take a peeky boo below my boo. And if you know someone who could use it - forward it.
Get your Free Guide on Negotiating Income or starting any Harder Conversations at work
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WOMAN'S HISTORY MONTH
This is OUR month.
Cue the music, grab a sparkler, step into your favorite heels and spray some of your most expensive perfume – its time to strut ladies.
Its time to walk proud.
Its time to sashay those hips (if so inclined, I’m Colombian so there are a lot of hips and sashay-n).
QUOTES TO INSPIRE
“Once you understand the power of your Words, you won’t just say anything.
Once you understand the power of your Thoughts, you won’t just think anything.
Once you understand the power of your Presence, you won’t just be anywhere.
Know your value.”
Self-awareness and mindful choices contribute to respecting your own worth.
Be AWARE of your worth.
“Words and Thoughts are powerful medicines.
Everything we speak both out loud and within becomes mantras to EVERY CELL and system of your beautiful body.
Speak Healing.
Speak Encouragement.
Speak Light.
Speak Wholeness.
Speak Truth.”
- Dr. Will Cole
“Trusting yourself in a world that is disconnected is an act of REBELLION.”
-Matt Gottesman
"REBEL(!)"
-me
"You only need TWO things.
CLARITY on where you want to go &UNWAVERING COMMITMENT to get there.”
-Ross Harkness
NEURO LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING (NLP)- MINDSET
A language exercise.....
My point? STOP APOLOGIZING for having a brain or an opinion (!)
Especially in the little things that fall from your lips when you don't realize it.
If whoever hears it thinks you are “aggressive” or “assertive” or whatever they want to label you - for speaking exactly like a man would without hesitation (yes I just said that) .....
SOD THEM, who cares?!
WHY would you CARE?
Seriously?
You
Are
A
Bad*ss
If you are on this little newsletter list – you are likely over 35 and working in a cut throat industry.
Stop sugar coating your genius so that someone else's unhealed ego feels better.
Let them call their mommy.
STEP WOMAN. STEP.
Let yourself be heard!
(hold on a sec, I’m just getting off my soap box, wait for it……. Oooooh you can really hear that right knee pop, and………wait for it…………I’m down. Broke a sweat there).
Announcements
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If you found this email inspiring or useful -I would be so very grateful for your continued support and word of mouth!
