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Dawn Marie Lamonica
EXECUTIVE COACH | SPEAKER | RETREATS
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Prime 2024 Resolutions
Issue 02. JAN 2024
Hi there,
Happy (belated!) New Year! I hope you all had the most gorgeous and restful holiday season and got to spend some quality DOWN time with your family, your loved ones & your furry companions (and importantly, some downtime with your SELF).
REST
In case you were curious, the human body needs SEVEN types of rest – (see this Linkedin post ) – so I really hope that each of you gave yourself permission to just live your best life in your pajamas for a beat!
The reality of the holidays = the lead up involves a ton of frenzied non-stop socializing, running about (trains, planes, automobiles), drinking (heavily), delicious food, manic shopping, last minute wrapping and large scale cooking and then….. this crash where some can feel depleted and many barely know what actually occurred in December at all.
REMEMBER the importance of REST and that you deserve it, no matter what time of year it is.
Rest is not only about (essential) self-care, it is about setting boundaries (which I know we all can struggle with because we want to be everything to everyone we care about).
THANK YOU!
I want to express my gratitude again for coming to the First PRIME event on 07 DEC (in a basement!! without enough seating) and for all of your tremendous support and feedback.
The ENERGY in the room was unmistakable and I KNOW we are onto something.
I know that the particular type women in that room – they are rare.
And I know that there are more of you out there…
There are two FREEBIES at the very end - so make sure you check those out - and if this newsletter adds value to you - please feel free to forward to a colleague or peer who you think might benefit!
PURPOSE OF PRIME
Part of the purpose of PRIME is to develop a community where Senior Female Executives in Finance & Law are encouraged to be more strategic and BOLD in their networking SO THAT collectively the membership can draw on more Energy & Confidence to take on the (constant) challenges to their complex roles.
PRIME is meant to be a space where the community is brought together by shared values (these are the 4 community pillars), smart resources and information/tools to excel at their craft and reach that next level of their career (whether it’s a board or management committee or more exposure through speaking on stages or perhaps a side passion project).
ON BELONGING
PRIME aims to create a sense of belonging versus having to ‘Fit In’.
I think many of us may feel we have to censor what we really think in meetings, to walk on eggshells due to fragile egos and minefield politics, to downplay our intelligence sometimes lest someone else feel intimidated or inadequate by it, to turn off the zoom screen lest someone see the look on our face of shock at something absolutely ridiculous that we just heard.
I think we often have to fit into a mold we didn’t have enough say building.
No one more eloquently captures the difference between fitting in versus belonging better than Brene Brown.
Whenever I watch this talk – I cry (but I am Colombian - we cry easily ! lol).
I have tried to fit in for SO MUCH of my life – from attempting to be a cheerleader in high school (I was awful at it), to trying be one of the cool girls (and never being accepted by the Queen Bee) to University where most of the girls wore bows in their perfect pony tails and wore Lily Pulitzer & shopped for husbands (and I wore cornrows).
It was only in my late 30s that I really started owning who I was.
In light of the core truth captured so brilliantly by Brene, there is distinct aim here to create a sense of belonging by honing in again and again on the 4 community pillars.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
I will always try to share studies / research that can provide insight into the complex issues female executives face.
A May 2023 study revealed 30 critiques holding women back from leadership – that most men will never hear.
Whilst the research covers 900 female leaders in the USA, one might argue the plight for female executives in the UK is actually worse (at least in pay) and thus, at a bare minimum this article can be informative.
The study demonstrates that practically any characteristic can be proclaimed problematic to question a woman’s competence and suitability for leadership.
To note, the % of women running Fortune 500 companies has only RECENTLY reached 10%.
Yes, you read that right.
TEN PERCENT.
“Women are criticized so often and on so many things that they are acculturated to receiving such disparagement, taking it seriously, and working to make improvements. And any individual woman may take it personally, believing the criticism directed at her to be warranted.”
Read the research
FOSTERING CHANGE
The overall stats and studies released over 2023 on the pay gap and treatment of women execs in London speak for themselves.
Versus attempt to tackle (glaring) inequalities and double standards straight head on (even though such stats make me see red) - I know the causes are complex and deeply rooted in institutional issues.....
I thought instead – start small - start with a micro-change – start with a space for candid BRAVE honest discussion amongst BRILLIANT women.
Bring in FIRECRACKER Subject Matter Experts on the topics the community cares about AND point the women to each other (you are each an SME on something!).
Create a space so that each member of the community feels inspired, equipped, energized -to go forth into environments where the odds are stacked against you, and win and then win again.
It is about consistent small wins over time and the cumulative effect.
I am building PRIME out on gut instinct & competitor research - but more importantly AROUND YOUR feedback.
WORK-LIFE BALANCE IS A MYTH
(Yes, I just said that)
In one of the most thoughtful articles written by Harvard Business Review “Manage your work, manage your Life” – the authors pulled from over 5 years of interviews of 4,000 executives worldwide on HOW the most successful business leaders today engage meaningfully in work, family, and community without completely losing themselves.
Read the research
BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
I read a ton on topics across the spectrum of coaching & self improvement and thought to recommend two books for your Q1 2024.
Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss – if you were going to read only one book on negotiation – I promise you – this one is well wroth your time. Chris was an FBI lead hostage negotiator and every chapter can give you tools/techniques to help negotiate your income and position (it can also be used to negotiate dishes with your hubby 😉). The techniques are EFFECTIVE & uses are endless
The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday - this is an EASY read and yet for a small book – provides infinite wisdom. It’s not just a summary of many of the teachings of the Stoics – it provides tools that can be used for any C-Suite executive every single day. It might be the best book I have read in the last 4 months!
TECH APPS THAT COLLAPSE TIME
Blinkist - provides non-fiction book insights/summaries in 15 minutes. The Headway app does the same – I love them both.
Masterclass – for under 200 GBP you can take masterclass sessions (60-90 minutes) from RENOWNED authors and subject matter experts on any topic under the sun. For example Chris Voss on Negotiations, Daniel Pink on Sales & Persuasion, Bob Iger (Disney CEO) on business strategy.
Headspace – one of the best apps out there to learn how to meditate (even if for 3 minutes), fall asleep faster (we all need help with this!) and manage stress. My vote is to aim for 3-5 minutes a day - build small. Regulating your nervous system and practicing awareness is one of the most essential tools any executive can use to combat constant stresses at work or otherwise. (Breathe & Calm are 2 other apps that are quite good)
ALWAYS BE LEARNING
Constantly learning prevents stagnation and a sense of dissonance or feeling like you are stuck or just a hamster in a wheel.
Neurologically & chemically, it relieves stress & promotes creativity (strengthening new neural pathways and your brain, overall).
Exposure to New Information, learning new skills, ALWAYS gives you more optionality.
NY RESOLUTIONS
A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
It takes 66 days to build a habit – so no matter what you resolve to do – give yourself a runway so that you can meet your goal.
Instead of starting with the goals you want to achieve, perhaps ask a different question –
Who do you want to become?
What does that person look like? How do they act? How do they think?
What type of person achieves the goals you are looking for – the outcomes?
What types of behaviors, daily activities and beliefs about themselves do they carry?
What type of micro-decisions do they make for themselves through out the day?
Anchor the routine (which will become a habit) to your WHY and your WHO.
10 WAYS TO INCREASE YOUR VALUE IN 2024
- Continuous learning
- Networking
- Master a skill
- Time management
- Communication skills
- Leadership development
- Health and wellness (better nutrition/sleep = better performance)
- Help One Other Person
- Embrace technology
- Increase your adaptability
CONSISTENCY OVER INTENSITY
Regular, consistent efforts often yield better results than sporadic bursts of intense activity. 20-minute walks over a 5k run, balanced nutritious food with the odd piece of dark chocolate versus a crash or trend diet.
Go slow & steady so that you can go far.
I say this, not in a condescending fashion but as a reminder because we live in worlds that demand and applaud intensity.
Intensity is not sustainable.
Yes, it is certainly necessary at times.
But when it comes to creating change for yourself – go for consistency.
7 HEALTH RESET TIPS
- 10K steps / day
- 7-8 hours of sleep
- 30 grams of protein per meal (I know this is very difficult ! but will get into science of why its so important after age 40 in a later post – for now – this might help support my case!
- 3-4 weight lifting or body weight sessions per week
- 10 minutes of morning sunlight
- 30-50 minutes daily walking outside
- 10 minutes of bare feet on the earth (called ‘grounding’)
NATURAL HITS OF DOPAMINE
Scrolling on your phone, flipping on the fourth Netflix episode and yes, even a cinnamon swirl bun with cream cheese frosting (although heaven sent!) are what neuroscientists call ‘cheap’ sources of dopamine - quick hits that aren’t good for your nervous system or focus. AND they are highly addictive.
You are in your PRIME and you don’t deserve cheap sources of ANYTHING from wine to handbags to dopamine.
Here’s a list of natural, organic sources of dopamine
- Evening: reading, hot bath, stretching, breathwork with relaxing music (even if 5 minutes), games / puzzles, self-hypnosis (sound bowls can help with this in the background)
- Morning: morning sunlight, 15 minute walk, cold shower, meditation, 15 minutes of yoga
Try it out and let me know what you think!
PRACTICING PRESENCE: MINDFULNESS TIPS
Realistically at least 60% of your time at work could be in ‘fight or flight mode’ – this is your body’s natural response to environments it considers dangerous (mainly ANY stressors).
One of the fastest ways to get out of an anxious or stressed state (the sympathetic nervous system) is to ground yourself in the present moment and bring attention to your senses.
For example
➞ bring attention to the way your blouse or sweater feels against your skin
➞ the feeling of the seat underneath you – how sturdy it is, the padding,
➞ feel the warm heat of a hot cup of tea in your hands,
➞ notice how your chair supports your spine (sit up straighter, roll your shoulders back and down, create length in your neck between your ears and your shoulders),
➞ listen to the world moving around you – the sound of the wind or rain outside, the chatter of other voices in the office, the sound of the copier down the hall
➞ pick up a pencil and roll the texture in between your fingers for a few seconds
Calling attention to the details slows everything down.
It creates space when chaos and demands seems to be rushing at you too quickly.
When you ground yourself in the present moment you will enter a parasympathetic state where you can respond with strategy to the stressor or chaos with versus react.
It puts distance between you and the stressor.
Will you always have a moron at work that you just want to tell to SOD OFF because who sends a passive aggressive nonsense email like that? YES. This is the lovely world of finance & law, its prone to circus tricks and trapeze acts.
BUT when you create space, you are able to handle them with a graceful tip of that top hat.
ON REACHING YOUR PRIME
There are few communities geared at HEAVY hitters for female executives age 40 and up in London.
What happens with the Titans & Powerhouses in Finance & Law – is that often they will go to a conference or event and it may be over 70% more junior women coming up through the ranks looking for guidance/mentorship. Or a Powerhouse will be asked to speak on a panel but their peers will not be in attendance. At Gala dinners – more often than not – the (minority) of attendees who are women - are usually marketing juniors, not peers.
Whilst mentorship and sharing wisdom IS a priority for PRIME – I promise you - I am trying first and foremost to sound the (battle) horn, loud and gather a critical mass of what I call the Titans.
There is a strategy behind my approach, and there is still plenty of room for younger P’s – including at the 7 March event – but I just wanted to be transparent in focus so this little idea can really FLY.
COHORTS WITHIN PRIME
There will be segregated groups available – private equity, venture capital, hedge funds, law. Some networking events will be more focused on a particular niche.
FEEDBACK on the PRIME EVENT
For those of you who attended the PRIME event 07 DEC, I can email you a feedback form or set up a call. I am SO grateful for you continuous feedback because that is how I can build this platform correctly. You can also just email me at dawnmari@dawnmari.co
What will the structure of the NEXT PRIME event be like?
Each session going forward will have (LIGHT!!!), 2-3 topics (driven by your feed back), an index card to help guide the conversation and for action points/notes and a MUCH LARGER space where people can mingle and walk around.
Food will be buffet style for any breakfast versus sit down.
There will also be surprises (but good ones – not like the host rushing in 17 minutes late sweating down to her knickers).
HOW PRIME WILL ADD VALUE & SAVE YOU TIME
You ALL are in short supply of time and juggling 2 dozen balls in the air.
The structure of the events & type of information/content shared will make you faster, ENERGISED, INSPIRED, more confident and more empowered in whatever you pursue.
I will expand on this point in future newsletters.
But for now – please note that I am CONSTANTLY thinking about how I can ADD time and value to the members of this community.
I welcome all feedback and ideas.
The women I am looking to gather don’t just receive 1 or 2 invites to events a month – they get over half a dozen – their presence is coveted in many arenas, platforms and spaces.
I have to make PRIME different in order for it to be impactful – and therefore your feedback is invaluable. One of the differentiating factors of this platform is no politics and no tap dancing around the topics. BOLD, REAL talk will be encouraged, AUTHENTICITY and STRATEGY on tangible solutions.
WOMEN WHO INSPIRE TAKING RISKS
2 x per month I will highlight at least 1 woman who’s story will hopefully inspire you to take bold action.
Ronne Brown
I saw Ronne speak live in Scottsdale AZ in August and she had such composure, grace, deep wisdom, and confidence…. I was just awestruck. I am not sure any article can compare to listening to this woman speak her truth live but Forbes ran an article on her in 2020 which you can look up.
She is a self-made millionaire, founder of GIRLCEO, and mother to 3 children. She started her entrepreneurial path at the age of 16 as a single black pregnant teen with no formal education making haircare products and anything else she could at home and selling them on Facebook.
She then grew an multi million dollar empire by sheer will, grit and faith.
Here are a few moments and quotes from that August event I will never forget
- Ronne taught herself to be a professional speaker via youtube
- She was a janitor at Georgetown University Hospital where she witnessed many wealthy patients right before they died. These millionaires would tell her stories of their lives and regrets. “I wish I took more risks and held less grudges” “I wish I did more things that scared me” were themes she would hear time and time again. She would converse with these patients during their last living days and she would learn from them
- “RELEASE what is no longer serving you. Just RELEASE it.” (to emphasize this point she raised a strong fist high in the air and then let her fingers splay out dramatically as if she was dropping something hot)
- “Trash the scripted version of you and go with the unedited version of you”
- Her motto as a single teenage mom – “If you count me out, then you do not know how to count”
- “Learn new skills (always) – the more you learn the more you can monetize”
- "Failure is the best source of wisdom”
- “It is essential to be successful – that you TRUST yourself.”
It made me think of all of the times and choices I have made where I did not trust myself, where I listened to someone else’s opinion of me and not my own inner knowing.
Dedication & Reminder on Health
This newsletter is dedicated to two women.
- My friend’s sister – who was PERFECTLY healthy. At only 40 yrs old she contracted meningitis which then infected her brain and has since suffered many complications including 2 strokes….
- The random mom I met today on my walk with my dog - she was about 40 yrs old, sitting on the ground - the sidewalk, watching her son who had Down's syndrome play with a ball. She had a medical textbook in front of her. She was also studying. I went right up to her and just said - are you getting a degree… are you studying on a SUNDAY? And she replied she was training to become a respiratory specialist. I said “OK - I now have NO excuses, for ANY of my procrastination BS. You have just inspired me so much” and we both laughed and shared a moment and I cannot believe how brave and determined and disciplined she is.
This life is SHORT. It is unpredictable. There are NO guarantees..... do NOT waste it.
And with that - I bid you adieu.
Light a spark.....
